Sunday, October 9, 2011

Thoughts on being vulnerable: Take 2

As I blog more I want to dive a little deeper into some of the items I reference.

In the first blog on being of the things I have put into place to make this happen is acknowledging my feelings.

So what does it mean to actually acknowledge my feelings? I think there are multiple levels of this.

A) Exactly what is says. If I am sad...accept that, let it happen because it is okay. If I am happy...accept that, let it happen because it is okay. If I am mad...accept that, let it happen because it is okay. Pretty simple...right?

B) Actually feeling these feelings. This is where it can get a bit tougher. For the past when I felt sad..I would let myself be sad...but I built this wall to only allow myself to get so sad. Or mad, or frustrated, or overwhelmed. Or even in the other direction...happy, joyous, etc. It is like I lived in this constant state of even kill.

Just like I referenced back in June...
Didn't cry as much as I used to. Didn't laugh as much as I wanted to. Didn't smile as often as I should have.

What kind of life is that? To not allow myself to feel deeply. Doesn't allow me that deep connection with people and in return...doesn't allow others to have that deep connection with me.

The process is not the easiest of efforts. In most cases I process through them just fine, but in the cases where I feel a little overwhelmed or anxious I go back to the steps I have in place to deal with it.

The results are good...Over the past several months I have cried more than I have cried in a long time, I have laughed more than I have laughed in years and the smile part...well I am pretty sure j. gives me a funny every time he sees the silly grin that is constantly planted on my face :).

1 comment:

hello jamie: said...

proud of you. I think this daily blogging is really good!!