Coming Out: Take 2

Yeah... you read the title right. I actually came out twice... the first time happened like this.

The 2nd time... happened several years later.

It took me awhile to come out. I grew up in a southern baptist home. I went to a southern baptist church. I went to a southern baptist college. I was married in a southern baptist church. Are you getting the picture?

Basically I was raised that this was not natural/normal...that it could be fixed, that if I prayed hard enough that it would go away. As the years went on and as I tried to 'fix' the 'issue' the joy from my life gradually faded away...and walls started to be built.

So I was at a cross point... coming out would require a lot of things to happen.

- Get a divorce.
- Move out of my families home.
- Only have my son half the time.
- Friends moving on
- Leave a church family
- Impacting my parents/siblings

This all came to a head the later part of 2007. After many years of ex-gay therapy, many years of denying who I was, many years of being in a unhealthy marriage I had to say something. I had to come out...for myself.

It happened on the floor in my home in forney. I was depressed/sad/angry...my wife at the time repeatedly started to ask me what was wrong. With tears in my eyes...and not knowing what outcome or impact this would have on my life I said the words "I am gay".

What happened the rest of that evening is sort of a blur now, but what I voiced that night was at that point...the truest thing I have ever allowed myself to do.

Since then I have had the ability to work on myself...overcoming the walls that have been built. Feeling joy like I have never felt before. Feeling a love so deep that it is beyond measure.

Feels good to feel again.