Friday, April 17, 2009

Coming Out: Take 1

I have been going over and over again in my head about where to start with my story of coming out. This hasn't been easy. My guess is that my blog will start out being more general and as I blog more I will dive into specifics here and there.

So...when a friend is trying to tell me a story and they start off by saying "where do I begin?", my initial response is "At the beginning...".

So here goes.

I realized something was different right around the beginning of my 8th grade year in middle school. That year was hard...and scary.

I was confused back then...14 and the only thing anyone ever told me about being gay was how wrong it was and how God didn't like it...not even a little bit. I delt with this feeling for a couple of months while I was trying to figure it all out. Until I sat my mom down at the kitchen table and told her what was going on in my head.

To give you the short version of the steps that proceeded the next couple of weeks:
- My mom prayed.
- My mom called my grandmother.
- My grandmother prayed.
- I was taken to a counselor who told me that being gay was ok.
- I freaked out...told my mom that everything was okay.
- Nothing was ever said again about it.

Nothing at all was said about it again. Ever. My guess is that my mom/family just wanted it all to go away. And I pretended it did...until of course I came out several years later. I don't mention this all that much...and would be surprised if some of my closest friends even know about this.

One important thing did happen that summer after my 8th grade year that has impacted me to this day. One of my best friends, Deedra, invited me to church with her and to church camp that summer. That is the summer I got to know Jesus on a more personal level and I will always be thankful for that.

You will hear about Deedra a lot on this blog. I hope she doesn't mind... Because I have stories to tell about how she has supported me that she doesn't even know about.

It is amazing how far I have come in the past 17 years. Comparing myself to the person I am today and the person I was back then. I smile a lot more. Laugh a lot more. Amazing.

2 comments:

Work With What You've Got said...

I don't even kn ow, don't remember the girl I was 17 years ago. But I know who I am NOW, and I know who you are now, and we're ok. I like us just fine. XOXO

Brady said...

"I smile a lot more. Laugh a lot more. Amazing."

I think I've used those exact words when I described myself before and after coming out. Interesting how that happens...