New Year...New Resolutions

This is the year that I pull everything back together.

My Career
My Goals
My Home
My Car
My Savings
My Health

As the weeks/months go on I will get into more detail about how I will accomplish all of this. Just sent Amber a text telling her that we need to hash out our goals over some booze. ;)

So I leave you with my New Year's Resolutions:

Some of these I have already started...others I am still thinking about, but it COULD happen in the near future.

1) Read at LEAST two books a month. If that means less t.v. and more reading then so be it. I will make it happen.

2) Become a vegetarian (still researching and thinking about this one)

3) Blog more. Jamie and I have already made a pact to encourage each other.

4) Never Ever go into another Wal-mart again. Ever.

5) Do some form of exercise at least 3 times a week.

more to come on all of this. promise.

What a decade

Wow...It is hard to believe it is almost over...don't worry, I am not complaining. Not.One.Bit.

Over the last decade I have

- gotten married
- gotten divorced
- graduated college
- became a parent
- survived cancer
- built my families home
- sold my families home
- came out of the closet
- gotten laid off
- started over

I almost have no words, but at least I am still breathing...right? That is a lot to happen in just 10 years of a person's life.

But you know what? I don't regret any of it. Some has been great and some have been the hardest things I have ever had to overcome, but I am thankful for it all.

Was talking to my dear friend Amber tonight about sitting down and mapping out this next decade. I will be taking her up on that offer.

2010 - New directions...New Goals.

Sounds amazing.

7 Random things

So I stole this from erin.

1) I am addicted to the food network and HGTV. I am not sure what my problem is really. My current favorite show is Chopped. and now that they are having a chopped championship...I am really addicted.

2) My phone is dying a very slow death. It randomly turns itself off and then back on at times. I have decided that it is either dying...or possed. Take your pick.

3) I am really REALLY into politics right now. Don't get me wrong.. I have always been into politics, but NOW..more than ever. I just get so irritated when people don't see/look at all the facts. The narrow-mindedness of the world may drive me crazy.

4) I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a dad. More than anything in the world. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

5) I went to the Plano Balloon festival this weekend with Samuel. Who knew that hot air balloons could be so amazing?!?! I will be going every year.

6) I have never had the flu before, but I am CONVINCED that I will get it this year. Not sure why...just am. Vitamins every.single.day!

7) I am still looking for a church that I can call home. Not 100% yet on any... One will become a fit soon.

Being close to God

Tonight was a good night. I went to my friend Jim's wedding reception at this amazing hotel in Plano. I got to meet a lot of people that have influenced his life in many ways. There was one conversation that I had that I will not forget for a long long time. I can't remember the gentleman's name off the top of my head, but our conversation was centered around 'being close with God'.

You see, there was a distinct part of my life where I felt so close to God and a distinct part of my life where I didn't feel close to God at all. The years when I struggled with who I truly was as a person were those years that my relationship with God faded quickly.

God gave us two commandments. 1) Love your God with all your heart and 2) love your neighbor as yourself. The reason my relationship with God was strained was because I didn't love myself at all. I didn't accept who I was as a person and I feared what others would think of me.

I am so happy to be in a place in my life where my relationship with God is growing again. It has been many many years since it has been in a place where it has needed to be.

p.s. Congrats Jim and Bonnie! So proud of you guys...you two are an amazing couple and you have an amazing family.

Revealing your secrets

A good friend of mine shared some detailed information about his past the other day. Details that he is not proud of....at all. He went on to tell me that he has only shared this information with very few people. Three to be exact..counting me. I could tell in his writing that he was hesitant about sharing, not because he didn't want to tell me, but because sharing it makes him feel awful inside. The fear that others will look differently upon you. Those of you that have that deep dark secret hiddon inside know what I am talking about.

I went on to share this with him:

"first...I want you to know with out a doubt in your mind that anything you tell me...anything. whether personal or shared I will always respect you more for it and love you more because of it."

My life is FULL of crazy things that I am neither proud nor happy about.

I am just me...a boy from 'the groves' trying to figure out my own life, but along the way I have figured out that we (and by 'we' I mean everyone) were all created from dust, all of us do not deserve anything that God has given us. We are all one stupid decision away from being that drug dealer, that unwed mom, the kid stealing a candy bar or two from the grocery store.

Life is HARD and I in no way can pretend that it isn't.

We all have those secrets. Every.single.one.of.us. but that is what makes us human and capable of God's Love.

I promise I am not that HORRIBLE of a blogger...promise.

So..I just got a text from my friend jim. It reads "LIAR..you said you would blog once a week and it has been almost a month!" He is so right...so very right. I don't have an excuse...except well 'life'. But that is beside the point. I promised myself that I would get my thoughts out and this is the avenue I chose and I promise I will stick with it. promise.

Speaking of Jim..such a good guy. You know...he is my ONLY straight GUY friend that I talk to about life in general? And by 'life' I mean work, family, BOYS, etc. You see, he is the only STRAIGHT GUY I know that actually tries to understand my 'past, present and future' and at the same time loves me more for it.

You may have noticed by now that I keep stressing the STRAIGHT GUY part. Well, to be honest I have some girlfriends that I can vent to and talk about life with and a few gay friends, but not STRAIGHT GUY friends. Only one...and his name is jim. You would like him.

You see, and I hope he doesn't mind me sharing, but I met Jim at a weekend group thing called Every Man's Battle. He happened to be in my small group and we clicked almost instantly. I am sure it was because in the back of our minds we were wondering 'what the hell are we doing here', but we trudged along.

I didn't come out to Jim at first...actually, I didn't come out to Jim at all. He actually figured it out on his own, but I am pretty sure it was self 'sabatoge' on my part. I wanted him to know, but at the same time I knew he was straight and like any other guy coming out to his friends it is the straight guys you are most scared to come out to. Randomly one day jim sent me a text asking if my 'issue' was with guys and not girls. From that point forward I have been completely honest with him about everything.

I appreciate jim more than you know, more than I can express in this blog or with any words that can come out of my mouth.

Thank you jim for always being supportive, for always making me think, and for loving me no matter what.

Love you bud.

If I were a bee

Samuel and I rent movies all of the time. I like movies and I think that interest of mine is rubbing off on the little guy. We are fans of the 'redbox' located at various places around the neighborhood. You can rent a movie for only a $1! You only get it for one night, but they have a good selection..especially for the little ones.

Saturday we rented Bee Movie and midway through I had this little discussion with samuel.

Samuel: Daddy, I want to be a bee.
Daddy: Why?
Samuel: So I can sting people.
Daddy: *ponders for a second*
Daddy: Me too.

I love conversations with samuel for several reasons, but mostly because

a) there is complete honesty...with no filter
and
b) see reason a.

You see...some people do drive me to the point where I wish I could just sting them back into reality.

For example:

Someone deciding whether or not they want to delete me from their facebook because they feel that having me as a friend would mean they are 'approving' of my life style.

That is just absurd.

I believe people are missing the point all together. Whether you agree or disagree you are still supposed to love.


Step 1: Love the person
Step 2: That is completely up to you, but deleting me from your life is rediculous.